Near the beginning of our relationship I started praying for God to teach me how to love (agape) Katie. I knew that I couldn't do it alone (not that she's not lovable...). To be able to do that though, God taught us that we also have to learn to be honest with each other. We began asking each other "What are you thinking about?" The most common answer was "I'm tired."
See that getting anywhere?
But, you know, it did.
Today we are still struggling with the answer "I'm tired," but it's getting better. In fact, we were able to sit down and bare our souls to each other.
Have you ever done that? Bare your soul?
It's when you sit down and tell the person you're with everything you feel, regardless of how it may affect them. And they do the same for you. It may sound like I'm creating a way for me to say mean things to people, but I'm not. I'm talking about opening yourself up, not tearing others down.
Friday night a friend of mine taught me the perfect way to communicate that I am shocked I haven't learned before. She said, "Start with 'When you...I feel.' " (Note of disclaimer: This is the exact quote. I would rather start with "I feel" so that it doesn't point fingers at the other person). I was absolutely amazed at her advice. She's right. These are the words one uses when baring their soul.
Back to Katie and me baring our souls: It was the most humbling experience. But it was what happened afterwards that brings tears to my eyes.
She called me, crying. She couldn't figure out some college thing. Now see, I was with my family that was in town visiting, and I had only one day to see them. But I knew something was up (could've been the crying...), so I stepped out onto the porch. I asked her: do you need me?
She said YES!
I was completely amazed that she still loved me and NEEDED me after we showed each other our deepest beliefs. I was completely amazed that I still NEEDED her.
We are taught that to need somebody is wrong, but why? I don't think it's so bad.
And as I sat in a chair next to her that evening, helping her at the computer, I realized how lucky I was to still be sitting next to her. It wouldn't have been hard for us to part ways; I could've been in another chair that evening instead of sharing one with her.
LIQUID AGAPE: the kind that runs through the viens.
(NOTE: I am NOT claiming that Katie and I always show AGAPE to each other or anyone else for that matter--especially me to myself (see previous post). I'm just pointing out one instance where we were able to show it to each other).
