My Confession

I have a confession to make. It is one that I am considering if I should state even as I write this.

Everyone has a problem. A struggle. A "thorn in the side," if you will. I am no different.

I say this with the hope that my friends can accept that "sin is sin, no matter what it is."

Last thing I want to say before I say it: I have only told one person this. EVER. (Besides God).

I have a problem with masturbation.

It looks like such an ugly word. I hate to even look at it. But it's the truth. I'm told it's the truth for more than just me, too. I'm told there are many out there who have the problem.

But it sure doesn't feel like it.

Now that the initial shock of saying it is over, I will tell you some back story. This very morning (Monday), I realized that it was a problem I was half ignoring. I was trying to fight it, but not with God's help. When in the car on the way to work it occurred to me that confession was needed. Not just confession to the one person I told, but confession to the world.

And so that's why I'm writing this. No other reason. I am now looking within myself to struggle out the problems of masturbation.

Why is it wrong?

What does God say?

How do I work through it?

How do I remove myself of this slave-driver?

These are the questions I ask. I must look within myself and to God. I've always been told it was wrong, and took it for granted. Now I intend to believe it.

I don't know how many people out there have the same problem, but I do have one thing to say: I feel your pain. If you've ever had to fight it, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to lay in bed and swing from one fence line to the other. I know what it's like to wake up, pissed at myself. I know what it's like to feel the desire. I know what it's like...

I'm ashamed of myself. Please, do not try to give me advice, even if you feel compelled to do so. Just accept me.

Lord God, please accept me...